To be resilient is to be able to bounce back after adversity (small, large, and everything in between). This year, there has been a lot to bounce back from. We have been in a global pandemic for nearly a year, and there have been inordinate trials and injustices finally coming to light. It seems unrelenting. So, the resiliency we thought we may have had is probably running out as we face burnout, stress, and even more unknowns. 

I wanted to rethink what I knew about resiliency and came up with the 3 M’s to help access increased resilience: Move, Mourn, and Mantra. Below, you will see how creating resiliency that extends to our relationships, improves the resiliency within us as individuals. To be resilient calls for resistance against social injustices. With such a large-scale, collective suffering event like this global pandemic, there is also a large-scale opportunity for common humanity. How can we learn to create resiliency together?

Move: Using Your Body to Access Resilience

A Harvard 2016 study by Dr. Srini Pillay showed how movement impacts your feelings, "Your mind and body are intimately connected. And while your brain is the master control system for your body’s movement, the way you move can also affect the way you think and feel."

So, move your body! In whatever way your body is able to move. Put on a song and dance, take a walk outside, clap your hands, shuffle your feet, practice some intuitive movement. For those with a safe and intimate partner, move your bodies together and focus your body movements on yourself as well as on your partner. For those looking to practice individual intimacy, focus on the way your body reacts to different movements.

If you let yourself start moving, your body will start to show you how it wants to move. We're going to want our mind and body to connect as we flow through these next steps.

Mourn: Feeling Grief on the Pathway to Resilience

Overall, this has been a season of loss. Loss of income, loss of people, loss of consistency, loss of trips, loss of plans, loss of government assistance, loss of hope, loss of relationships due to politics, and the list goes on. We cannot properly grieve what we have not named. Take some time and be kind to yourself. Write down a list of things you're mourning.

If writing it down doesn’t feel accessible, scream out your grief! Did you mourn collectively during protests? Were you able to mourn with people on the phone as you called local government officials to put different rules in place to ensure safety for BIPOC bodies? Mourning can look very different, as those who have grieved know. Finding spaces, like individual therapy, to lament and mourn these adversities is crucial for building resiliency. We do not feel what we do not know. Let your mourning be known to you.

Mantra: Connecting to Grounded Resilience

We know this time brings up consistent unknowns, and therefore anxiety/fear/worry/stress about the present and future. You are aware of what you're mourning, now make a list of what you know. In this time, what do you know about yourself? That you are loved? That you are capable? That you have done hard things before? Start writing down things that you know about yourself.

If you’re feeling stuck, this is a wonderful opportunity to bring in your community. Ask a trusted friend. Through vulnerability, there is connection and change. Allow someone to speak the knowns that they recognize are true for you.

There is at least one mantra of your truth and identity in you.

Some examples:

I am my best when I ask for help.

I am worthy despite my productivity.

I am loved by many.

Lastly, take care. Cultivating resilience is necessary, but difficult work. And work is easier when we do it together. Flow through these stages (move, mourn, mantra) when you are feeling stuck. Seek out connection—it’s our best avenue against adversity.

Resources:

Srini Pillay, M. (2020, June 24). How simply moving benefits your mental health. Retrieved October 13, 2020, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-simply-moving-benefits-your-mental-health-201603289350

Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist.  She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, womxn’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.

Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.

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